


My Skin

by simpleandpure22



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sexual Content, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-14 05:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4552596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpleandpure22/pseuds/simpleandpure22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Most people get their soul mark at birth, which is one of the first words their soulmate will say to them. Erik is often wondering what will happen when he finally meets his soulmate. Will he love them just because they are his soulmate?</p><p>And what if he doesn't?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moving

**Author's Note:**

> So, I finally start writing my Durmann multi chapter fic. I totally suck at summaries, so I'm sorry for that xD I know soulmate AU is still uncommon in this fandom, but I really love it, and I think it's both fascinating and interesting. 
> 
> I hope you'll like it :)

It’s very quiet. The only sound he hears is the sound of his own footsteps on the floor. Of course, most of the players and staff won’t be here today, since the summer break has started. And he has said goodbye to everyone a few days ago. Adjusting the straps of his backpack, Erik walks further down the corridor, towards the changing room.

Today is his last day in Mainz II, and from next season he’ll be playing for Borussia Dortmund II—in the third league, which is awesome. Dortmund is a lot further from home, yes, but if it’s the price to pay, Erik will gladly do it. As he reaches the changing room, he goes straight to his locker, and a feeling of melancholy hits him. He’ll miss this place. He has a lot of good memories here, making a lot of friends, although some of them won’t be playing for Mainz next season either.

Leaving a club always feels weird. There will always be a certain level of attachment to it, to everyone there. Erik thought he would get used to it by now. But he hasn’t. Well, he will eventually—he has to.

He is opening his locker when his gaze falls on his right wrist, on the faded, grey word written on it. “Sorry”. Erik has wondered so many times how he will meet his soulmate. There were times when he bumped into people and they said sorry, and then Erik would look at his mark, checking if the word would turn black. But, it never happened. The word is still faded grey, and that means he hasn’t met his soulmate yet.

Everytime he moved into a new club, he would wonder if he would finally meet his soulmate there, but it wasn’t the case so far. Oh, well, he’s only twenty; there’ll be plenty of time. After making sure that his locker is empty, he closes the door and locks it again. He’ll give the key to Sarah, the receptionist, on the way out.

As he reaches the door, Erik stops and looks around the room one more time. “Goodbye, Mainz,” he says quietly, before walking out and closing the door behind him.

~*~

Erik’s parents have been married for twenty five years, and they still look like they are madly in love with each other. He thinks that people will automatically love their soulmate, but seeing his parents has given him a high expectation. They met when they were young, at Gymnasium. The mark on his mum’s wrist says “Don’t”, whist his dad’s says “Funny”.

His parents have told him and Lisa many many times about how they first met, and the children love hearing it, especially when they were little. It was one day during lunch break, and Erik’s mum was having lunch with her friend. Then Erik’s dad came and just sat with them, occupying the seat reserved for another friend.

Erik’s mum glared at him in annoyance and said, “Don’t sit there.”

Hearing that, Erik’s dad just laughed, and replied, “You’re funny, aren’t you?”

The next thing they knew both their marks turned black almost simultaneously, and some of their friends and classmates were cheering, whilst some were too stunned to say anything. Finding a soulmate always fascinates people, no matter what age. Things started a bit awkward for Erik’s mum and dad, but then they quickly got along and began dating when they were at the eleventh grade. And the rest is history.

“Dinner’s ready.”

Erik looks up from his dad’s Kicker he is reading. His mum is calling from the dining room. He places the magazine back under the coffee table and rises up, entering the room. His dad and Lisa are already seated, whilst his mum is arranging a pot in the middle of the table. She smiles as her eyes meet Erik’s.

“Sit down, Erik, or we’ll start without you,” she says, with a smile on her lips.

Smiling back, Erik pulls a chair and sits down next to Lisa. “Fish stew?” he asks as she opens the lid of the pot. “Smells good.”

Next to him, his sister snorts. “Well, we had it last week already, when you were still in Mainz.” She looks at their mum, asking in a rather accusing tone, “Why are we having this again, mum? It’s too soon.”

“Because Erik likes it,” their mum responds patiently, as their dad begins to help himself with some roasted potatoes.

He sees Lisa not so subtly roll her eyes. ”Thanks a lot, Erik.”

Erik merely shrugs. “Not sorry.”

Whilst eating, they are talking about Lisa’s colleague who is just back from maternity leave, also about Erik moving to Dortmund. Lisa tells them that Thorsten wishes to be here to say goodbye and good luck to Erik, but he can’t because he’s still in Frankfurt.

“But he’ll come to Dortmund later this year, and you better get him a ticket for your match,” Lisa tells him. Or threatening him is probably more like it.

“Sure, I will,” Erik replies, reaching for his water glass.

Thorsten is her colleague and boyfriend. Her soulmate, more precisely. He is originally from Frankfurt, but he moved to Pirmasens a year ago because of work. Lisa’s mark says “Careful”, and the first thing Thorsten said to her when they met was “You have to be careful when you walk on a wet floor like this.” It doesn’t take long after that for them to see each other. Erik wouldn’t be surprised if they said they would get married next week.

Almost all the soulmate stories he's heard are like that; they meet and then effortlessly get along and pretty much guaranteed to fall in love with each other. But… what if it isn’t the case with him? There are always exceptions in everything, right? If Erik meets his soulmate and feels nothing about them, what the hell is he going to do then?

As if she can sense his distress, Erik’s mum turns to him and smiles. “You’ll meet your soulmate soon, Erik. Who knows, maybe in Dortmund? I have a good feeling about that.”

“You said that when he went to Mainz,” Erik’s dad reminds her.

His mum turns to him and frowns. “This time I have a really good feeling. I’m quite sure he will find his soulmate in Dortmund.”

His dad just shrugs, whilst Erik takes another gulp of his water.

Yeah, like the pressure on him is not big enough already, being the only one in the family who hasn’t find his soulmate. But maybe his mum is right. And even if she’s wrong, Erik is excited of the year ahead of him in Dortmund. Not every young player can get this opportunity. And he’s not going to waste it.

 


	2. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so inspired for this that I already finished chapter two last night. xD 
> 
> Thank you for the nice comments on chapter one, they really kept me going. :)

Jonas is looking out at the window for what must have been the fifth time. It’s cloudy, but quite hot. It seems that it’s going to rain. He glances at his dad who’s bending over the car’s opened bonnet, checking the radiator hose. Jonas lets out a soft sigh. Hopefully his dad will be done soon and they can go home. He’s pretty bored.

They are in Jonas’s dad’s car repair workshop in Heidelberg. Today is Jonas’s last day home, and tomorrow he’ll go back to Dortmund. The summer is always short for football players, but he won’t complain about it, since it’s his dream to be one. He sighs again.

“Stop that, you’re distracting me,” his dad says, making Jonas chuckle.

He jumps from the table he’s sitting on and strides towards the car. “Well, sorry, but I’m bored. Why is the radio still not working? I thought you fixed it yesterday.”

“I forgot,” his dad replies. “Can you get me that ¾ spanner, please?”

Jonas grabs the spanner from the nearest tool box and hands it to him. It’s typical that his dad forgot to repair the radio. Currently, his mind is occupied with this Volvo he’s working on, and that means until he’s done with it, he won’t care about those _unimportant_ things like the radio. There used to be a television here, too, but since Jonas moved to Dortmund his dad never watched it, and now it’s dusty, broken and neglected in the storeroom. Yeah well, his dad’s idea of entertainment is car engines, motor oil, tyre-pressure—you get the idea.

He likes football, too, of course. He tried to watch as many Jonas’s matches as he could, when Jonas played for Hoffenheim. Sometimes, Jonas wonders how lonely his dad is without him in the house, and then he will feel guilty that he keeps leaving his dad alone. But even if Jonas asked him, his dad wouldn’t admit it for sure.

After what feels like hours, Jonas’s dad finally decides it’s time to go home. Whilst his dad drives, they’re talking about the car he’s working on, which is a Volvo C30 1.6 Diesel from 2009. “Isn’t it almost done?” Jonas asks. “Just the radiator, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose it’ll be done tomorrow. Still need to check the brakes again, though,” his dad says, as the car halts at a traffic light.

“It’s a cool car. I don’t see that many Volvos here, neither in Dortmund.”

The light has turned green, so Jonas’s dad drives again. “It is a nice car,” he agrees. And then the rest of the way to St. Leon-Rot, they’re talking about Jonas’s Scirocco, which he really loves. It’s not flashy like Porsche or Lambo, but it’s a great car and it fits him.

As soon as they arrive home and his dad parks the car in the garage, his dad says, “Don’t think I’ve forgotten that it’s your turn to cook today, so off you go.”

“You forgot about fixing the radio but not about this?” Jonas responds with a groan, as they both enter the house. He lost to his dad when they played chess yesterday, and the loser must cook dinner today.

His dad lets out an irritating smile. “It’s about priority, Jonas.”

“It’s my last day at home. You won’t see me again until Christmas,” Jonas still tries, although he knows that his dad won’t budge.

“A bet is a bet,” his dad replies lightly, taking a newspaper from the table before sitting down on the couch. “It’s better be good, though, because I’m starving.”

Jonas lets out a grunt but goes to the kitchen and opens the fridge, looking at the things they have in there. Well, there are bacons, eggs, some butter… Fine, he’ll make a good omelette. He’s not the most elaborate cook in the house, but surely he can manage an omelette.

He is mixing the eggs in a bowl when he hears the doorbell ring, and his dad’s voice that he’ll answer it. A few minutes later, his face breaks into a smile as he hears familiar voices. And just as Jonas washes his hands, someone enters the kitchen and says, “What are you doing, dear?”

Jonas turns around; the smile is still attached to his lips. “Hi, grandma. I’m making an omelette,” he says. “It’s my turn to cook today, because I lost to dad in a chess game yesterday.”

His grandma clicks her tongue and then shakes her head. “But it’s your last day at home,” she says. And before Jonas does anything, she gently pushes him and takes the bowl with the eggs mixture. “I’ll do it, just go to your dad and grandpa.”

Jonas doesn’t need to be told twice. He grins and leans forward to kiss his grandma on the cheek. “Thanks, grandma, you’re the best.”

“Of course I am,” she replies, making Jonas laugh.

When he enters the living room, his dad and grandpa are watching the news on TV. His dad sighs when he sees Jonas. “I told you she was going to do it,” he tells Jonas’s grandpa. “She’s spoiling him, I swear.”

Jonas’s grandpa merely gives him a dismissive wave. “It’s fine. We don’t see him that often anymore. Come sit here, Jonas,” he gestures at the armchair next to him. Jonas nods and sits down.

So, they are all watching the news, with Jonas’s grandpa lets out some comments once in a while. Jonas can’t help glancing at both his dad and grandpa.

His grandparents live nearby, only a few houses away from his dad’s. Jonas has spent a lot of time with them, especially when he was little, and his dad had to work. He doesn’t know his grandparents from his mother’s side, because they cut all the contacts when she died many years ago, when Jonas was still very young. Truth be told, Jonas can’t remember his mum either, and his dad always gave him vague answers whenever he asked about her.

Grandma told him that his dad was still deeply affected by her death, and after a while Jonas finally stopped asking. There are no pictures of her in the house, or things that used to belong to her. There is literally nothing that reminds him of her existence. It still feels weird, sometimes, especially seeing his friends with their mothers. But as Jonas grows older, it’s getting easier to accept that she’s just not a part of his life anymore, and it is something he can’t do anything about.

The food that his grandma made is enough to feed all the four of them (and a few more if he’s being honest). She didn’t only cook an omelette, but she also made seared salmon and cold potato salad. They won’t be able to say goodbye to Jonas tomorrow, because his grandpa is working as a handball coach for a local team, and they’ll have a very early training tomorrow. Whilst grandma has to bake some cakes and cookies with the other volunteers at their church at half past five, so they’ll be ready to be sold in the charity bazaar at eleven o’clock. That’s why they’ll say goodbye to Jonas today, instead.

They stay until about ten o’clock in the evening and after hugging Jonas and wishing him good luck, they leave. Jonas says goodnight to his dad and goes to his room. But even after a while, he still can’t fall asleep. He’s lying on his back, looking at the dark ceiling. And thinking about his mum.

There are times when Jonas thinks of her more than usual, and today seems to be one of those days. If she were still here, Jonas wouldn’t feel so bad about leaving his dad. And his dad wouldn’t be lonely, too. Letting out a soft sigh, Jonas rolls onto his side, trying to close his eyes.

His dad hasn’t remarried because he’s one of those very few people, in the world, who don’t have a soul mark. And that means, he doesn’t have a soulmate. Jonas’s mum was also one of them, which was why they could be together.

He lifts his right arm, looking at the wrist. Where there is nothing engraved on.

 _Yes_. Like his parents, Jonas doesn’t have a soul mark, either.

~*~

In the morning, Jonas says goodbye to his dad. “I’m leaving now. Please, take care of yourself,” he tells his dad as he’s hugging him.

“You, too,” his dad says, patting on his back.

Jonas pulls back and looks at him. “You won’t be too lonely without me, right?” he blurts out, before he can stop himself.

His dad looks a bit taken aback, but he quickly smiles. “What are you talking about? Of course not. I have a lot of work to do; I don’t have time to feel lonely.”

“It’s just that sometimes I feel bad for playing so far away,” Jonas admits.

Shaking his head gently, his dad reaches out to stroke Jonas’s shoulder. “Listen, Jonas, I just want you to keep playing well, so that I can finally see you on TV when you play in the Bundesliga.”

Jonas forces himself to smile, despite not feeling like smiling. “I’ll try. And please, don’t forget to fix the radio. You’ll get bored without it when I’m not there.”

“I will,” his dad assures him. “I promise.”

Jonas looks at him for a long second, before saying, “See you at Christmas, dad.”

“See you, Jonas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter somewhat makes me a bit sad.
> 
> And if you still wonder if Jonas is Erik's soulmate, after this chapter it should be clear that he is not. I could have gone the obvious way and make them soulmates, but where's the fun in that? ;)


	3. Dortmund

This is it. The first day of training. Erik enters the changing room and finds four other boys there. He knows two of them. Leonardo Bittencourt, whom he played together with in Germany U19, and the other one is Marvin Ducksch, who scored against Mainz when they met in Regionalliga West earlier this year. Erik has seen one of the other two before, but he can’t quite recall what he’s called.

“Hi, Erik.” Leo cheerfully shakes his hand. “Welcome to the team. It’s nice to see you again. The third league sounds cool, doesn’t it?” he goes on.

Erik smiles at him. Leo has always been the chatty one, but he’s funny and likable. “Hi, Leo. Yeah, can’t wait to play,” he says. Then he shakes Marvin’s hand, and after that the other two boys, whose names are Rico Benatelli and Koray Günter.

The yellow dominated room is rather different from the red Mainz, so it may take a while until Erik gets used to it. Marvin tells him that the first training will start in about an hour, but their coach will normally talk to them individually before that, so they should be ready on the pitch half an hour earlier. Erik thanks him and begins to change to his training gear.

Leo, Koray and Rico have changed and say that they’ll go to the pitch first to do some running. After they have left, Erik asks Marvin about if he likes playing here. Marvin tells him that he’s been a BVB player since he was eight years old, and he can’t think of playing somewhere else.

Just as Erik is about to say that it’s nice, the door opens and someone walks in. Both Erik and Marvin turn to the door to see who just comes in. It’s a dark-haired boy with blue eyes, who smiles when he sees Marvin. And when his gaze meets Erik’s, Erik can’t help but notice that his blue eyes are rather striking.

“Mate,” Marvin greets they boy. “Have you said hi to Erik?”

The boy approaches them and shakes Erik’s hand. “Hi there,” he says, before turning to Marvin. “Now I have.” Marvin lets out a chuckle, and the dark-haired boy looks back at Erik. “Erik Durm from Mainz, right? I’d heard that you’d join us. I remember you from the Regionalliga last season; interesting matches.”

Erik remembers meeting him before, but like Rico, he can’t always remember the names. Unless they did something particular, like scoring or got sent off. Seeing his unsure expression, the boy grins and says, “I’m Jonas Hofmann. I know it’s not always easy to remember names, especially of those you only meet twice a season.”

“Nice to meet you, Jonas,” Erik says, with a smile.

“Likewise,” Jonas replies, before saying again jokingly, “But make sure you’ll remember me this time,” making both Erik and Marvin laugh.

~*~

The first day passes quickly, and Erik easily finds himself fit in the team. Their coach David Wagner has talked to him and explained everything he needs to know about the team. This year they will be competing in the third league, that’s why they got some new players. And considering the thirteen goals that Erik scored for Mainz II last season, Wagner says he has high hope and expectations of him.

“But, try to take it easy,” the coach continues. “Most of your teammates have been here since last season, but we also have quite a few new players, so pretty much everyone starts at the same level.”

Erik nods and says that he will try his best.

It’s easy to get along with his new teammates. They are all good guys. But out of everyone, Erik spends most of his time with Marvin and Jonas. The other new players also adjust themselves quickly to the team. In the first one-on-one training, Erik is paired with Mustafa, whose German is pretty much non-existent, so they’re mainly talking in English. Then during lunch, Erik is sitting with Jonas and Koray, as well as Jeremy and Edin. The last two, like Erik, are newbies.

Everything is working well. Erik can’t ask for a better start. When he’s home in his flat later and checks his phone, he smiles as he sees that his mum has sent him a message, asking him how his first day went. It’s not easy to explain everything by a text, so Erik decides to call her.

“Hi, mum,” he says as soon as she picks up the phone only after the second ring.

“Hi, Erik, how was everything going?” she asks.

Erik sits down on the sofa, placing his bag next to him. "It was fine. I’ve talked to the coach, and my teammates seem nice. The training went well, too.”

“Great,” his mum says. He hears her tell his dad that things went well, and then she says again in the phone, “So, did you meet anyone… interesting?”

From behind her, Erik can hear his dad sigh and say to her, “Did you mean to ask if he’s met his soulmate? Seriously, Christine, it’s only his first day.”

“I was just asking. Maybe he has.”

And they continue to argue about it for the next minute. Erik shakes his head and smiles. It’s nothing new; they are always like that when one of them is on the phone with either him or Lisa. Sometimes he needs to interrupt them, otherwise they’ll keep going.

“Mum, I haven’t,” he says, making his parents stop arguing at once. “And like dad said, it’s only the first day. Although it doesn’t matter if I don’t meet my soulmate here, I like this club. I feel that I can do well here.”

“Sure, Erik,” his mum says. And then they talk about what happened at home, and after saying that he’ll call them again soon, Erik ends the call.

He inevitably thinks of what his mum said. He has pretty much met everyone, none of them said sorry to him, and his mark remains faded grey. So, yeah, his soulmate isn’t here either. Same old same old. He knows he shouldn’t have too much hope that he’ll meet his soulmate that soon, but what his mum said about he’d meet them in Dortmund must have rubbed off on him, after all.

But maybe it’s better this way. Because it can be awkward if his soulmate is one of his teammates, right? Erik isn’t going to think about this anymore. He’ll meet his soulmate when it’s time. And for now football is his first priority.

His family will have to understand that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update. xD This chapter is short, but the next chapter will be up tomorrow.
> 
> I can't promise I will update daily, though, because my muse is more unpredictable than the Danish weather. But I will update as soon as I finish a chapter. :)


	4. Jonas

Out of all his teammates, Erik can’t help but like Jonas the most. It’s not that he doesn’t get along with the others. He does. But Erik really likes being around him. It’s not weird, because Jonas along with Leo, are quite popular in the team, since they both are outgoing and funny. Some of the times, Marvin is also with them, but mostly it’s just Erik and Jonas.

Like today after morning training. It’s Erik’s turn to tidy the equipment room up, and when he’s in the middle of counting the cones, the door opens and Jonas appears.

“Here you are. I wondered why it took you so long to return the balls. Is it your turn to tidy up?” the brunet asks.

Erik looks over at him through his shoulder. “Yeah. Just go to the common room; I’ll be there when I’m done.”

Instead of leaving, Jonas enters the room and closes the door. Then he starts to arrange some of the poles.

“Jonas, what are you doing?” Erik asks. “You don’t have to do this.”

Jonas doesn’t stop. “The more people who do it, the quicker it is,” he says, gently elbowing Erik’s side when he walks past. “It’s basic maths, Erik, you don’t know that?” he goes on jokingly.

“Fine, if you insist,” Erik says, finally giving up. And then he glances at Jonas’s back and says, “Thanks.” The brunet merely gives a brief shrug as he ties the poles together, and Erik smiles at him, though Jonas can’t see it.

The redundant work seems a lot more fun with Jonas around. The brunet keeps throwing random thing at him, from nets to strings. Their laughs echo in the small room, as well as Erik’s half-hearted protests, that instead of helping him, Jonas just gives them double work. In the end Erik thinks that it actually takes way longer than if he does it alone. But he doesn’t mind, because it’s really hard to be annoyed at Jonas. His smile and laughter are contagious, and Erik can’t help but smiling, too.

“Done,” Erik exclaims, as he puts the last ball in place. “Now, stay away from them,” he tells Jonas, trying to look stern, but his smile betrays him. Jonas just grins and they both leave them room.

“I can do with a bit of food,” Jonas says as they walk down the corridor. “How about you?”

“A bit.” Erik looks at him with a frown. “But lunch time was over a long time ago,” he says, a little puzzled.

“Who says I’m talking about lunch?” And before Erik responds, Jonas says again, “Come with me.” Erik shrugs but he follows Jonas as the brunet continues to walk to the end of the corridor, past the dining area and then he opens the door at the end of the next corridor. Which turns to be the kitchen.

“Are we even allowed in here, Jonas?” Erik whispers to him, slightly worried. He really doesn’t want to get into trouble, already in his first week.

Jonas gives him a reassuring smile. “It’s fine. Trust me.”

Some of the kitchen staff shoot them a glance, but they don’t seem to be mad, most of them go back to whatever they’re doing right away. Jonas keeps walking past them; Erik follows him, still feeling a bit weird. Finally Jonas stops next to a woman, who’s slicing some apples. The woman narrows her eyes as she spots them.

“What do you want, Hofmann?” she asks, and although she sounds firm, there’s no annoyance in her voice.

Jonas replies cheerfully, “Hello to you, too, Karina. This is Erik, and we’re a bit hungry. Will you be so kind and give us something to eat? Bread, or cake or anything, we’re not picky.”

Erik sees Karina roll her eyes. “Why am I not surprised?“ she says, but nevertheless she walks towards a tall cabinet and retrieve a loaf of something that looks like raisin bread. She slices it and places two big slices onto a plate. And then she hands them to Jonas. Not only that, she also gives them an apple each. Erik has no choice but takes it and thanks her.

Whilst eating his bread, Jonas is telling Karina about his disastrous attempt to bake a bread last week, because he over-kneaded the dough. Karina gives some scolding comments here and there, as well as telling him off for leaving too much crumbs, but Erik can tell than she enjoys Jonas’s presence. Like he does.

After they are done with the bread and apple and have had some water, they thank her and leave the kitchen. “Do you do this often?” Erik asks curiously. “Getting extra food.”

Jonas gives him a grin. “Sometimes. Karina may seem snarky, but she’s actually very nice.”

“I notice that.”

“Want to do some running?” Jonas asks as they reach the end of the corridor. “To burn a bit of those extra calories,” he adds, making Erik chuckle.

“Sure,” Erik says.

There are no other players on the pitch. They are probably in the common room, waiting for the late afternoon training. He and Jonas run in a slow pace. The sun is shining, but the wind is also blowing nicely, making the day not too hot.

When they reach the fence that’s separating their pitch with the senior team’s, Jonas stops. Erik automatically halts, too. “What’s wrong?” Erik asks.

“Nothing. Let’s just stay here for a while,” Jonas says. Erik notices that the brunet’s eyes are fixed on the players of the senior team who are doing a match training. So, Erik just copies him, watching the guys. The match seems very intense, and it’s only training. From where they stand he can’t really tell who is who, but it will be so cool if he can play with them one day.

“I want to play with them,” Jonas says, shaking Erik off his reverie. He averts his gaze to the brunet, who just voices what he was thinking about.

Erik nods. “I was thinking about the same thing. It will be so cool, since BVB is one of the best teams in the Bundesliga.”

“Yeah,” Jonas says. Erik turns to him, and he can see that Jonas has some kind of faraway look on his face. “I want to play in the Bundesliga and make my dad proud of me,” Jonas says again. “Sometimes I feel bad for playing so far away, leaving him alone. He won’t admit it, but I know he misses me when I’m not around.”

This is the first time Erik hears about it. “What about your mum?” he asks.

“She died,” Jonas says matter-of-factly. “Long long time ago. I don’t even remember how she was like.” He shrugs, and Erik doesn’t know which one is worse: the fact that Jonas doesn’t have a mother or the indifferent tone when he speaks about her.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Erik tells him softly.

“It’s okay,” Jonas replies, looking over at him and giving him a small smile. “Shall we join the others?”

Erik nods. And they move away from the fence, going to the common room. Later when Erik is sitting near Marvin and Leo, who are arguing about whether Far Cry 3 is better than Black Ops II, his eyes flicker to the other side of the room, where Jonas is talking to Koray.

What Jonas said about his dad lingers in Erik’s mind. He never has the same problem, despite also playing far away from home, because he knows his mum and dad have each other. And Lisa. As far as Erik knows, Jonas is an only child.

Jonas laughs at something Koray says. On the surface, he looks like his normal, cheerful self. But now Erik knows that there is more than meets the eye. Erik realises that he has been looking for too long when Jonas slightly turns his head and their eyes meet. He gives Erik a smile, and Erik automatically smiles back, hoping that there will be more reasons for Jonas—for them—to smile in the future.

A lot more reasons.

 


	5. Mark

The next weeks is filled with training and more training. Their first match, which is away against Osnabrück doesn’t go so well and they lose 0-2. Erik has expected the third league to be tougher than Regionalliga, but he didn’t expect it to be _that_ tough. They are lucky they only lose 0-2.

In the next match against Arminia Bielefeld, they don’t lose. Patrick Schönfeld scores first for Bielefeld at the 18th minute, before Rico equalises five minutes after. The final score is 1-1, and it motivates everyone. Maybe they can win the next game. And may it be the first victory of many.

It turns out they don’t win the next match against Alemannia Aachen. But they don’t lose either. And finally on week four, their first victory is secured when Rico scores a brace against Wacker Burghausen, and they win 2-1. Of course a lot of things can still be improved, but first victory is always special.

Today they are training one-on-one. Erik is paired with Jonas. They are training seriously, apart from a few occasions when Jonas says something funny and Erik will chuckle, and one of the trainers will look at them so they quickly put their serious façade back on. And when the trainer isn’t looking at them anymore, they will look at each other in the eye and give each other a conspiring smile.

It surprises Erik how easy everything is with Jonas. He’s easy to talk to, easy to laugh with, and Erik has gotten used to the rare moments when Jonas has that distant look on his face when he isn’t in the mood to talk much or joke around. He won’t force Jonas to tell him what is on his mind until the brunet does it himself. It has become a silent understanding between them.

They are doing a stretching exercise where they hold each other on the shoulders, when one of Jonas’s hands slips from Erik’s shoulder as he pushes a bit too hard. “You’re okay?” Erik asks, and his gaze fall on Jonas’s right wrist.

He doesn’t have a soul mark.

Erik is so taken aback that he is staring at the wrist for a stretched second until Jonas puts his hand back on Erik’s shoulder. From the way he looks at Erik, Jonas has seen what he was looking at. But they don’t talk about it until later.

After the training is done they are standing near the fence, watching the senior team’s pitch. It has seemed to be their thing, something they’re doing almost every day, even when the senior team isn’t training outside and the pitch is empty. Like it is right now.

For a moment, they are busy with their own thoughts, until Jonas finally breaks the silence. ”Yes, I don’t have a mark,” he says, looking at the empty pitch behind the fence. “I’m one of what people call—“ he pauses.

“…The Unfortunates,” Erik finishes it for him.

Jonas nods, and then looks over at Erik. “I’ve seen that you have one,” he says. “Good for you,” Jonas says again. His tone is completely neutral, but for the first time in his life Erik feels bad for having a mark.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Jonas tells him. “I’ve been living with it all my life. I’m used to not having one.” They are silent again, until Jonas says, “Your mark hasn’t turned black.”

“No. And my mum keeps reminding me that every single time,” Erik says with a sigh. Jonas looks like he’s listening, so Erik goes on, “The thing is, my parents met when they were very young, at Gymnasium. And my sister Lisa has also found her soulmate last year. It seems easy for them, and it puts the pressure on me, because every time I move to a new club my mum would think I’d meet them there. So far it hasn’t happened, and I know it disappoints her.” He shrugs.

Jonas is still looking at him. “These things can’t be rushed. It will happen when it’s time,” he says.

“Yeah, try to tell my mum that,” Erik replies dryly.

Some of the senior players are out on the pitch. Erik can recognise Marco Reus’s blond hair and Lewandowski’s dark one amongst others. “Are you looking forward to meet your soulmate?” Jonas asks.

“Yeah, of course,” Erik says. “Everybody I know seems to have found theirs. And they seem happy; everything seems to fall into place. Isn’t that what people always say? That you are not whole until you meet your soulmate.” When he realises what he just said, he quickly adds, “I’m sorry, Jonas, I didn’t mean to—“

Jonas shakes his head, giving him a faint smile. “It’s okay. I know what people say,” he says. “And I’ve accepted the fact that it’s never going to happen to me.”

He’s sounding indifferent again, like when he was talking about his mum. Erik looks at him. Maybe, that’s how Jonas deals with pain, and difficult matters.

“You are the first person I meet, who doesn’t have a mark,” Erik tells him.

“Yeah, there are not many of us, are there? My dad doesn’t have one, neither did my mum,” Jonas explains. “And then there's only one more person I know who doesn't.”

Erik watches as someone scores a goal, before averting his gaze back at Jonas. “Does not having a soulmate bother you?” he asks softly.

“Not anymore. I think it’s good, because it means I can choose the person I want to spend my life with. Instead of letting the bloody Universe decide for me. No offence,” he adds, whilst Erik gently shakes his head. “Although the downside is that the choices are very limited. We often either end up with another Unfortunate, or with people whose soulmate has died. Or alone.”

Erik is quiet as Jonas’s words begin to sink in. He feels bad, and selfish. As well as lucky, and that makes him feel even worse. He keeps worrying that he hasn’t met his soulmate, whilst people like Jonas have a fair chance to end up alone.

_It’s unfair._

Seeing Erik’s face, Jonas places a hand on his back and says, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay. If I can’t find anyone, I can always get a dog.” He tries to joke, but it doesn’t make Erik feel better. “Erik, listen, I’ve had enough people pitying me. So please, not you, too,” Jonas says softly, yet firmly.

Erik has no choice but nod. “You’ll find someone,” he says, and without thinking he adds, “Because you’re wonderful.”

Jonas looks at him for a second before letting out a smile. “Thank you. I’m pretty amazing, too,” he adds jokingly. “And I’m faster than you.” Before Erik reacts, Jonas sprints back towards their pitch and already halfway crossing it when he says, “See what I mean? For a striker, you’re pretty slow.”

A smile appears on Erik’s face. He runs to where Jonas is, chasing him, but the brunet is already way ahead. And he is indeed rather fast. Erik thinks Jonas will go inside the building, but instead he slows down and stops near the door, turning at Erik. “Come on,” Jonas says.

Erik nods and sprints towards him.

 


	6. December

Time passes quickly, and before Jonas knows it, December is approaching. He’s looking forward to come home for Christmas, as opposed to Erik. “Aren’t you excited to see your family?” Jonas asks him one day when they are sitting on a bench in front of the building after training, when they are talking about their holiday plans.

“I am. But I’m definitely not excited to see my mum wonder why I haven’t found my soulmate yet,” Erik says, untying his shoelace. “But it’ll be great to be home.” He turns to Jonas and smiles. “Your dad will be happy to see you again.”

Jonas is about to reply when someone—Florian—comes out of the door and approaches them. “Jürgen Klopp wants to see you in his office, Jonas,” he says, making both Jonas and Erik gape at him. “Don’t make him wait,” Florian says again before walking back inside the building.

“Did he say Jürgen Klopp?” Jonas asks with a gulp.

Erik slowly nods. “I think he did,” he says. “Go, don’t make him wait.”

“I wonder what he wants,” Jonas murmurs, and after telling Erik he’ll see him later, Jonas goes to the senior team’s building on the other side of the road. He walks past the security guard who nods at him. This isn’t the first time he’s here, but the place is huge, and he has no idea where Jürgen Klopp’s office is. So, he asks a staff he meets and she kindly shows him the way and knocks on the door. A voice from inside tells them to come in.

“Jonas Hofmann is here,” the staff says after opening the door. She motions Jonas to walk inside and then she closes the door.

Jürgen Klopp is sitting behind a table, with his usual yellow training gear. He smiles at Jonas and motions him to sit down. “Jonas, please sit down.”

Jonas does what he says, still has no idea why he is being summoned here. A thought crosses his mind, making his heart beat faster, but he quickly pushes the thought away. No, he won’t hope for something that might not happen. There’s no way Klopp is going to promote him to the first team. Not yet.

“Do you have any idea why I called you here?” Klopp asks, looking at Jonas from behind his glasses.

“No,” Jonas admits. “I thought that you might want me to play for the first team, but no way,” he adds, laughing nervously.

Klopp looks at him for a second before letting out a soft laugh. “Close enough,” he says, making Jonas’s heart skip a beat. What the hell does he mean by that? “I’m thinking about including you in the squad for the away match against Hoffenheim. Of course, I can’t guarantee that you will play; it depends on the necessity and the score. But I think it will be a good experience for you. What do you think?”

“Of course. I mean, thank you,” Jonas says, doesn’t even need to think twice. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome,” Klopp says with a smile. “And you shouldn’t be so surprised. You’re a talented player; it’s bound to happen sooner or later.”

Jonas thanks him once more before leaving the office. He can’t wait to share this news with Erik. Well, with the others, too. But Erik must be the first to know. As soon as he is back to their building, he sees that Erik is still waiting for him.

“How did it go?” Erik asks.

Trying to hold back his smile and put up a serious face, Jonas says, “Not good. I might have to go to a loan soon.” Erik is looking at him with wide eyes, and a stunned expression, and Jonas can’t take it anymore. He bursts out laughing. “It’s just a joke,” he says between the laughter.

Erik has seemed to realise that Jonas was fooling him. He pushes Jonas and hits his arm twice. “It’s not fucking funny. Don’t joke about something like that,” he exclaims, hitting Jonas a few more times.

“I’m sorry,” Jonas says, trying to block Erik’s hits, although they actually don’t hurt. “You should see your face, though. Will you already miss me if I go on loan?” he jokes.

“Of course I will,” Erik snaps, "idiot," still sounding a bit annoyed, finally pulling his hands back.

Jonas looks at him for a second before his face breaks into a smile. “So will I. But I’m not going on loan.”

“Then why did he want to see you?”

“He wanted me to be in the squad for the match against Hoffenheim,” Jonas tells him, with a huge grin, and before Erik does anything, Jonas wraps his arms around him and hugs him. “Can you fucking believe it?”

Erik hugs him back, patting on his back. “Really? Congratulations, Jonas, this is awesome.”

“Maybe I won’t play at all, but I don’t care,” Jonas says after they pull away. “I’ll be in the squad. Hopefully this won’t be the last time. And soon you will be, too.”

The smile on Erik’s face is rather downcast. “It will still be a long way for me. Twelve games and I haven’t even scored.

“It will come. The third league is harder than Regionalliga,” Jonas says reassuringly. “And this is your first season here.”

Looking into Jonas’s eyes, Erik says, “Jonas, I’m a striker. It’s my job to score. I’ll never be as good as Mario Götze, or Lewandowski. Not even close. And I’m being realistic here.” Jonas doesn’t know what to say to that. He thinks that Erik is a good player; he has a good technique. But, Jonas also knows that his judgement is clouded.

Seeing Jonas’s face, Erik smiles and quickly says, “Come on, let’s tell the others. They will freak out.” Jonas smiles and nods.

~*~

It turns out that Jonas does get to play in that match. Even though it’s only for a few minutes, but he’s in the Bundesliga, and his dad is watching him on TV. So is Erik, because they are playing in Hoffenheim. There isn’t time for Jonas to do anything significant, but it’s okay. Everything starts somewhere.

And then soon after that they are home for Christmas. Erik already gave Jonas his present before he left, telling him that he must not open it before Christmas Eve. Jonas did the same with his present to Erik.

On Christmas Eve, Jonas is celebrating it with his dad and grandparents as usual, where his grandma will cook tons of delicious food like roasted goose, crispy kale, and caramelised potatoes. Everything is really nice. And then it’s time to open the presents.

“Come on. Open it,” Jonas says with a grin to his dad, who is holding a medium sized box with green paper and silver ribbon.

His dad shoots him a glance before pulling the ribbon and then tearing the wrapping paper. “A radio?” he says as the present is revealed. “But I have repaired the radio.”

“Yeah, and it won’t take long until it’s broken again. That radio is older than me,” Jonas replies, making both his grandparents laugh.

“Good thinking,” his grandpa says.

Jonas’s present from his dad is a pair of really nice football boots, and a waffle maker and a juicer from his grandparents. Those are great presents, and he loves them. His presents for his grandpa is an espresso machine, and for his grandma a set of new books from her favourite author. And at around eleven his grandparents are tired and decide to go home. After having some coffee and talking to his dad a bit, Jonas goes upstairs to his room.

Near his bed he sees Erik’s present. A smile spreads across his face. Sitting down on his bed, Jonas reaches out for the box with red and gold wrapping paper. When it’s opened, he chuckles as he sees the content. Erik has given him a pair of loudspeakers.

There’s a reason behind it. When Erik was at his place a while ago, he wanted to listen to an interview with Mats Hummels on 1Live, and he complained when only one of Jonas’s audio speakers on his stereo set worked. Jonas told him that the other one hadn’t worked for a long time.

Looking at the speakers again, Jonas still can’t stop smiling. Erik has only been to his place once, and he remembers it. He places the speakers on the desk and takes his phone out of his pocket. He quickly writes a message to Erik: _Slept yet?_

It only takes a minute before Erik replies: _Of course not. It’s Christmas._

With the smile still on his face, Jonas writes: _Thanks for the speakers. I can’t believe you still remember it_. And then he strides to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he comes back to the room and checks his phone, Erik already replied.

_Who would forget a broken speaker?_

Jonas chuckles and types: _Have you opened mine yet?_

Erik replies that he’s still with his family and that he will do it in soon. So, Jonas puts his phone on the nightstand and begins to strip to his boxers and slips under the covers, closing his eyes. He doesn’t know how long he has lain there when his phone vibrates. He opens his eyes and reaches for his phone, opening Erik’s message.

_A GPS watch?_

A laugh escapes Jonas’s lips, as the mental image of Erik pouting appears in his mind. _Well, I told you for a striker you’re a little slow, so it will help you to improve your speed. Don’t say I’m not a good friend._

The phone vibrates again as Erik replies: _That’s really thoughtful of you. Thank you._

Instead of writing a reply, Jonas presses a button and puts the phone to his ear. Erik answers after the second ring, “Thank you,” sounding a bit amused.

“You’re welcome. Thanks for the speakers,” Jonas says.

“Don’t mention it,” he hears Erik reply. And then he asks if Jonas had a good Christmas and they talk about their Christmas Eve, the food, and the presents they got. And after talking for some time, Jonas’s eyes begin to feel heavy and he yawns, making Erik chuckle.

“Go to bed,” the blond tells him.

Jonas automatically nods. “Yeah, I woke up early today,” he says. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Jonas.”

 


	7. Doubts

After Christmas, January comes quickly and with that, trainings and matches. Both Jonas and Erik score in the match against Wacker Burghausen, and it’s Erik’s first goal for BVB II. Although they don’t win in the end as the final result is 2-2, Erik can’t help feeling better about himself. The second half of the season is also a lot better for them. From fifteen matches, they win five times, draw eight times, and only lose two times against Karlsruher and Hansa Rostock. So, things are going in the right direction.

Jonas plays two more times for the first team; in the match against Augsburg (where he plays full time and makes an assist to Julian Schieber that becomes a goal), and then Fortuna Düsseldorf. That’s why nobody is surprised when he’s officially promoted to the first team for 2013/14 season. Erik is a lot more surprised when Klopp tells him that he also wants him in the squad, but as a fullback… not a striker. Apparently Lukasz Piszczek’s injury forces Klopp to take an unusual decision.

It’s something new for Erik, and although he’s said yes to Klopp, he still can’t stop wondering if he has done the right thing. After being a striker for years, it won’t be a walk in the park to switch as a defender. But if Klopp has faith in him, Erik should not doubt that he can do it.

“You’ll be fine,” Jonas says reassuringly when they are in a training break before the new season start. “What can go wrong?”

Erik shakes his head. “What if I’m not cut out to be a fullback? I’ve been a striker my whole career. What if I screw up really bad and we lose because of me?”

“You’re overthinking it,” Jonas says. “Everything starts somewhere. I’m worried, too. What if I can’t keep up with the quality of the other guys? But it won’t stop me from trying. We’re in this together; it’ll be fine.” He touches Erik’s shoulder and gently squeezes it.

Looking into Jonas’s blue eyes, Erik finds himself nod. It’s easy to believe that everything will be fine, when Jonas says it like that. “It will be fine,” Erik repeats, and Jonas smiles.

~*~

Erik is glad that Marvin is also promoted. It’s good to have familiar faces around. Although the rest of the players seem nice enough, he still feels rather alien to them. That they merely see him as a BVB II player, who is playing with them because Lukasz is injured. But Erik can’t do anything about it.

During one training day, Erik is standing next to Marvin near the water bottles. His eyes are fixed on Jonas who is talking to one of the new signings, Sokratis, whom everybody calls Papa. At first, Erik thinks he’s a little scary, but now seeing how animated he talks to Jonas and laughs with him, it seems ridiculous to find him scary. But again, Jonas can make anyone smile.

“Erik?”

Erik turns to Marvin who is watching him, a bottle of water in his hand. “Yeah?”

“Do you like Jonas?” Marvin asks.

A bit confused, Erik replies, “Yes, of course.”

Marvin still looks at him. “More than a friend?”

Oh… Suddenly Erik understands what he means. “Of course not. I have a soulmate.”

“Would you, if you didn’t?”

Erik quickly shakes his head in disbelief. “Why are you asking these questions?”

Marvin seems to realise that Erik doesn’t like where this conversation is going. “Sorry, it’s just that sometimes it’s like you two are more than friends,” he says, with a light shrug. “But of course, you have a soulmate, so it must be just me. Forget I said this, okay?”

“Okay,” Erik replies. Marvin glances at him one more time before putting the bottle to the container and sprinting back to the pitch again.

After Erik places his bottle, he looks at the mark on his wrist. An unpleasant feeling begins to creep through his chest. For the first time in his life, he is wondering what it would feel like if he didn’t have a mark.

Erik, like most people, always felt sorry for the Unfortunates. Because they weren’t blessed with a soulmate, and thus would never be whole. He hadn’t met one before he met Jonas, and he thought that they would be miserable. But Jonas showed him otherwise. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, the brunet thinks it’s good that he can decide for himself, whom he wants to spend his life with—and _if_ he wants to spend his life with anyone. It’s the opposite of what Erik has always believed in. And now he begins to wonder if he has been wrong this whole time.

“Erik?” Looking up, Erik finds that Jonas is standing near him. “What’s wrong?” Jonas asks again.

Erik quickly shakes his head and forces a smile. “Nothing.”

It looks like Jonas doesn’t quite believe him, but nevertheless he smiles and says, “It’s really hot. Want to get some ice cream after training?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Cool.” Jonas pats his arm and then walks to the pitch to join the others.

~*~

They are getting the ice cream near a park later after training. Whilst eating it, they are sitting on a bench, and for a while neither of them says anything. Jonas knows something is bothering Erik. The blond is as easy to read as an open book; Jonas will know how he feels just by one look.

“Is something bothering you?” Jonas asks after they finish their ice cream.

Erik looks over at him through his shoulder. “Yeah. But don’t worry about it. It’s unimportant.”

“It’s not unimportant if it upsets you.” Jonas says softly. “Tell me, what is it?”

After letting out a deep breath, Erik finally says, “I was thinking about my soulmate. And the more I think about it, the more worried I am. What if I don’t love them the way I should? Do people really fall for a stranger, only because they are their soulmate? And what if I don’t feel anything for them? Yet, I have to be with them, because that’s how it should be… Because they are my soulmate.”

Jonas doesn’t know what to say. This is certainly not what he expected to hear. He always thought that Erik was looking forward to meet his soulmate, but now he has doubts. As an Unfortunate, Jonas is the last person who can give an advice about soulmates. So, what should he tell Erik?

Erik seems to sense his hesitation. He gives Jonas a faint smile and says, “I shouldn’t bother you with this.”

“No. You're not bothering me,” Jonas assures him. He is silent for a second before saying again, “Are you sure you want to hear what I think?” Erik nods, so Jonas goes on, “A lot of people won’t agree with this, but I think if you meet your soulmate and you don’t love them, then you don’t have to be with them.”

Jonas can see that Erik is taken aback by what he said, although he doesn’t say anything. “You always have a choice. Your family—or everyone—can say anything, but at the end of the day it’s your life,” Jonas says. “But I think you worry too much. I don’t think there are a lot of soulmates who don’t end up together. So, it will be fine. Because that’s how it should be, right?”

Erik looks at him for a moment, as though he is digesting everything Jonas just said. “Thank you, Jonas,” he finally says, with a smile on his face.

“No problem.” Jonas smiles back. As something crosses his mind, his smile falters a little. Quite a few of his friends have left BVB II. Rico, Leo, Florian… people he has played with for the past two seasons, and whom he has grown close to. It’s one of the things Jonas doesn’t like in the world of football; seeing his teammates leave. He watches Erik, silently feeling grateful that he isn’t one of them who are leaving.

“What’s wrong? Now you’re the one being quiet,” Erik inquires, still looking at him.

Averting his eyes to park in front of them, Jonas gently shrugs. “I was just thinking about people who left this summer. I’m glad you’re not one of them.”

He feels Erik’s arm brush against his. “I’m not going anywhere. Especially now that we’ll be playing for the first team,” the blond says softly. “I hope it’s the same for you.”

“Of course,” Jonas says. “I’m not going anywhere either.”

Erik doesn’t reply, but his smile says more than any word can.

 


	8. Red

The season starts nicely for them. They win the Supercup against Bayern—against all odds. Ilkay scores one goal, Marco scores a brace, and they get an own goal from Daniel Van Buyten, ending the match 4-2 for BVB’s victory. Both Bayern’s goals are scored by Robben. Erik and Jonas are amongst the subs for that match, although neither of them is subbed in. But it doesn’t matter, because the experience is priceless. It makes them feel what it’s like to win a title with the team.

They slowly get more playing time as Bundesliga starts. Everything is going well so far. Today they only have training in late in the afternoon, and when they’re done it’s seven o’clock in the evening.

Jonas is the last one leaving the changing room. It’s nearly eight, and he expects that everybody has gone home. That’s why he’s surprised to see Koray sit alone on the bench in front of the building. He’s been training with the first team too for the past few weeks, but why is he still here at this hour?

The boy hasn’t seemed to notice Jonas’s presence yet. But as he comes closer, Jonas can see that there is a blank look on Koray’s face. It worries him. This is not how Koray normally is. “Are you okay, mate?” Jonas asks carefully, walking towards him and sitting on the bench next to him.

Koray turns his head slightly to look at Jonas; his face still doesn’t give away what he is feeling. “Not really. But thanks for asking.”

Now Jonas is really worried. With a frown, he asks again, “What happened?”

Koray hesitates for a second, but then he says, “I got an offer from Galatasaray for this winter. I love it here, but I want to play in a more competitive league. And they are a big team, with a Champions League tradition.”

Now Jonas doesn’t expect that. It means that one more of his friends will be leaving... It fucking sucks. But it’s good for Koray. If he were in his position, Jonas would probably do the same. An offer like this doesn’t come twice in a year. “But, it’s good, isn’t it?” Jonas pats his back, trying to sound more cheery than he actually feels. “I mean, I will miss your lame arse a bit, but it’s good for you.”

Nodding slowly, Koray gives him a faint smile. “Yeah. It’s good.” But the way he says it sounds like he’s feeling the opposite. Jonas doesn’t get it.

“Then why are you looking so glum?” Jonas can’t help asking. “If you think this move is a good idea.” It’s crazy to say no to move from the third league to one of the best clubs in their league with a Champions League tradition.

Koray looks at Jonas for a second before lifting his right hand, revealing his wrist. When Jonas sees the mark his eyes widen, and his body suddenly feels cold.

The mark has turned red.

No. No, no, no… Jonas gulps, slowly averting his eyes from Koray’s wrist to his face. “Mate, I—“ Jonas pauses, taking a deep breath. He places a hand on top of Koray’s. “I’m really sorry.”

The words feel insufficient, but… what else can Jonas say to someone whose soulmate has _died_? There are no other words that will ever be enough to tell someone how bad you feel for them, that how you wish it never happens to them. Are there?

“I’m sorry,” Jonas repeats, gently squeezing his friend’s hand, although he knows it won’t alleviate the pain. Nothing will.

For a moment, they stay like that. “I shouldn’t be so sad about someone I’ll never meet, should I? “Koray murmurs, breaking the silence. “Yet I am.”

“It’s understandable,” Jonas tells him softly.

“Maybe it’s better this way, though. That it happened now, not later after I met them and had… developed feelings for them.” Koray lifts his hand again, and for the second time Jonas looks at the red word “nice” on Koray’s wrist.

 _How ironic_.

Jonas looks up when Koray stands on his feet. “Thanks for listening, Jonas,” he says.

“Anytime.” Jonas gives him a small smile, the word again feels insufficient.

“I’m going home. See you tomorrow.”

Jonas nods, because he feels it’s best to leave Koray alone for now. “Just tell me if there’s anything I can do, okay? Or if you need to someone to talk to.”

“Sure.” Koray glances at him one more time before walking towards the car park. Jonas watches as he disappears behind the fence.

Leaning his head on the wall behind him, Jonas takes another deep breath. This is something he won’t experience, but he can feel how hard it must be for people who’ll never meet their soulmate. Who probably has been excited to meet them since forever. Instead, they will feel people’s pitiful gaze on them, everytime they see the red mark. It fucking sucks; just as bad as being an Unfortunate.

He knows that his family (mostly grandma) sometimes worry that he won’t find someone and will end up alone. But at least they won’t be too disappointed if he really does. Whilst Koray’s family must be devastated, too, now that he doesn’t have a soulmate anymore. Jonas feels inevitably bad for them.

Unlike the Unfortunates, who have accepted their fate since early age, normal families expect their children to find their soulmate and live a happy life. It will be hard for them to accept that their children have lost that kind of future all of a sudden, and hence will be pitied on, like how they themselves pity people with no soulmate.

Jonas’s family always reminds him not to fall for a person who has a mark. _Yeah, as if I would be that stupid._ Shaking his head gently, a wry smile comes across Jonas’s face. Who would be idiotic enough to try to stand against the Universe? Definitely not him.

Fuck it, enough of this soulmate crap. His eyes flicker to his watch. It’s nearly nine o’clock—he can’t be already sitting here for that long. Jonas stands up and strides towards his car. He’ll just go home. No matter how bad he feels about what happened to Koray, there’s nothing he can do about it. He gets into his car and swiftly waves at the security guard as he drives past him.

~*~

The next day, Jonas doesn’t see Koray much, since he’s back to train with BVB II. He only sees him once, and although the boy is clearly still affected by the loss, he acts pretty much normal. Jonas hears from Jeremy that Wagner had given Koray a permission to leave earlier, but Koray refused to do it. Personally, if he were Koray, he would do the same, because distraction is what he’d need.

When he finally gets the chance to talk to Koray, it’s just a brief talk. Koray convinces Jonas that he is okay, and that Jonas shouldn’t worry. Which is easier said than done. But Jonas respects it.

“It’s my bottle.” Erik’s voice startles Jonas, that he almost drops the bottle he is holding.

Jonas turns to the blond, who is watching him. “Sorry,” he says, handing him the bottle. Erik takes it, his eyes are still fixed on Jonas.

“Are you okay? You look distracted,” Erik says observingly.

The training will first start in about twenty minute, so they still have time to talk. Sighing softly, Jonas averts his eyes to the pitch where BVB II is training. “It’s about Koray.” He looks back at Erik. The understanding in the blond’s face shows that he has heard about what happened. “I don’t know, I just feel really bad for him.”

Erik gently nods. “Of course you do. We all do.”

“He doesn’t deserve it,” Jonas goes on. “I know how it feels to be pitied; all my life I’ve had people pitying me. It’s not the kind of life I would wish for anyone. But I’m used to it, and he’s not...”

“I know, Jonas,” Erik says softly. “But there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Shaking his head slowly, Jonas says, “I know that.” He lowers his gaze, before looking back up, finding Erik’s eyes. “I hope it never happens to you,” he says, barely above a whisper, doesn’t know what makes him say it. But the thought of Erik’s mark turns red sends a shiver down his spine. Not Erik. Not him. He’ll find his soulmate and live a happy life with them. He will.

They lock gaze for a moment, neither of them says anything. Then Erik smiles reassuringly. “So do I. But if it happens to me, I’ll be fine,” he says. “Because I can’t lose someone I never had.”

Jonas looks at him, doesn’t expect to hear that. Looking at Jonas’s startled face, the blond says again, “Of course I hope I’ll meet my soulmate, and love them. But if it’s not the case, then I still have a choice, because it’s my life. Like what you said, right?”

“…Right,” is all Jonas can say. Erik has changed. Jonas is sure that few months ago he wouldn’t think this way. All his life he was looking forward to meet his soulmate, and if his mark turned red, it would have crushed him. But now? And it’s because of what Jonas told him?

Erik must have noticed that Jonas is still looking concerned. “It’s okay, Jonas. No need to worry about things we can’t change.” He extends his hand that’s still holding the bottle.

For a second, Jonas stares blankly at the bottle, before he finally reaches out and takes it from Erik’s hand. He opens the bottle and takes a big gulp. “Thanks,” he says, as he closes the bottle again, returning it to Erik, who just smiles.

“Come on,” Erik says again after he places the bottle in the container. Jonas nods and together they walk back on the pitch.

 


	9. Feeling

Christmas comes quickly and is already over before they know it. When they are back to the team again after the winter break, a few aren’t there anymore. Koray being one of them. Erik isn’t as close to him as Jonas is, so it doesn’t strike him as much. Although it still feels weird to not see him around anymore.

BVB only buys a player this transfer window: a young defensive midfielder from Braunschweig called Clemens Brandt. Objectively, he’s been good so far, and they need a back-up for Nuri especially since it’s still unsure when Ilkay will be back. He also appears to be nice. But for some reasons it’s just hard for Erik to really warm up to him. Maybe with time Erik’s feeling for him will change, but for now it’s not happening.

As they’re having a break from training, Erik is watching Clemens who is talking to Jonas near the fence, and can’t seem to keep his eyes off the brunet. Well, Jonas is—beautiful, and his blue eyes are breathtaking. Erik must be blind if he didn’t notice that. And Clemens is an Unfortunate, too, so it’s supposedly understandable why he seems to be interested in Jonas.

But Erik doesn’t like it.

Jonas turns his head and catches Erik stare at them. “Why are you standing there? Come here,” he says with a smile. Erik approaches them, and shoots Clemens a faint smile that he hopes is enough to be categorised as a smile.

“I was just telling Clemens that you and I used to play for BVB II, and that we stood there at the other side of this fence watching the first team train,” Jonas says again, sounding cheery. “And now we’re here with them.”

“Yeah,” Erik responds curtly. He doesn’t like that Jonas shared that with Clemens. It’s supposed to be _their_ thing. And their thing only.

Erik is about to ask Jonas if he wants to go to his place later when Clemens says, “Isn’t it one-on-one training next? Will you be my partner, Jonas?”

Just when Erik thought he couldn’t be more annoyed, he is proven wrong. He looks at Jonas, waiting for his response, trying not to glare at Clemens, which is not an easy thing to do. Jonas glances at Erik before looking at Clemens. “Well, Erik and I are normally partners.”

Erik has to keep himself from smiling. But then Clemens says again, “Oh okay. But can’t we do it just this time? I’m not that used to the others yet; not as much as I am with you, Jonas.”

No. _Jonas, no_. But Erik can see that Jonas looks doubtful, much to his annoyance. “Well, I suppose we can. Do you mind, Erik?”

Both boys are looking at him. _Yes, I so mind._ But Erik can’t say that, because it sounds mean. And it’s just one training, so it shouldn’t be a problem, right? Except that Clemens already manages to get on Erik’s nerves, and he has only been here for a bit over a month. Well done. “It’s fine,” Erik finally mutters, not sure he conceals his irritation well.

Jonas is looking at him, but before the brunet says anything, Clemens tugs at his hand and says that they need to do some light stretching before the training starts again. And Erik can only watch them, hoping there is nothing around him he can kick.

When Marvin comes to him later, Erik is still standing near the fence, glowering at Jonas and Clemens, who are now holding on each other’s shoulders and laughing. “What’s up? Why doesn’t Jonas train with you?” Marvin asks.

“Clemens wanted to train with him because he _supposedly_ isn’t used to the others like he is to Jonas,” Erik replies, stressing on supposedly.

“He seems to like Jonas,” Marvin observes, with a shrug.

Erik tries hard not to roll his eyes. “You bet.”

Marvin doesn’t reply right away. When Erik turns his head, Marvin’s eyes are fixed on him, and Erik doesn’t like his scrutinising gaze. “You know, it begins to worry me,” Marvin says. “You really sound like you’re jealous.” When Erik doesn’t say anything, Marvin goes on, with a softer tone “Shouldn’t you be happy for Jonas?”

“I would be, if it was right. But this is way too soon.” Erik’s eyes flicker to Jonas again, who is smiling at something Clemens says to him. “Clemens doesn’t know Jonas, and it looks like he’s about to jump on him. And it’s only because they’re both Unfortunates?” He turns to look at Marvin and says firmly, “Jonas should never be a random choice.”

Marvin holds his gaze and exhales soundly. “I know you mean well, but The Unfortunates aren’t like us. And their choice is limited. So, I don’t blame Clemens if he’s being attracted to Jonas right away. Jonas is an attractive guy, you know.”

Erik mumbles that he knows. And he supposes that Marvin is right, but he doesn’t know when he can stop being annoyed when he sees them together. Not anytime soon, obviously.

“Be careful, Erik. Feeling isn’t something you can control,” Marvin says again, making Erik look at him, puzzled.

When he realises what Marvin was implying to, he shakes his head and lets out a wry laugh. “If you think I like Jonas more than a friend, you’re mad. He’s my best friend; I care about him. I don’t want him to be a random choice, because he deserves so much more than that.”

Marvin shrugs. “Fine. But it never hurts to be careful. And if Jonas fancies Clemens, too, you shouldn’t stand in their way.”

“Fair enough,” Erik says.

“Come on. Stop sulking and train with me.”

~*~

As soon as the training ends, Jonas’s gaze flickers around the pitch, looking for Erik. He saw Erik train with Marvin earlier, but they were on the other end of the pitch, so he didn’t get a chance to talk to him. Jonas can feel that Erik wasn’t so glad about Clemens wanting to train with him, and it does make him feel a bit bad.

But he can’t tell Clemens downright no, can he? Moving to a new club is never easy, and it’s always helpful when someone is being kind to you. No matter how small it is.

“Do you have plans for tonight, Jonas?” Clemens’s voice startles Jonas.

Jonas looks at him. “Kind of,” he says. “We’re going to watch basketball at Erik’s place. Trier vs Ludwigsburg.”

At the mention of Erik’s name, Jonas notices that there is a change in Clemens’s expression. A slight one, but Jonas catches that. “Okay. I was thinking if you’d show me around the city. But maybe next time,” Clemens says.

“Sure. Next time,” Jonas replies with a smile.

And then someone—Mats—comes to them and begins to ask Clemens about how he is doing so far. They are so engrossed in the conversation that Jonas thinks that they won’t miss him if he slips away to look for Erik. After muttering his excuse, Jonas walks away to the other end of the pitch.

There he is. Jonas sees Erik stand near the fence, with his back on him. A grin spreads across his face as he snoops behind Erik, trying not to make any sound. Then he jumps on Erik’s back, making the blond gasp in surprise.

“Jonas, what the hell?” Erik demands as he turns his head, despite automatically placing his hands under Jonas’s knees, supporting his weight. “Get off.”

Jonas chuckles but doesn’t get off him. Instead, he wraps his arms around Erik’s shoulders tighter. “Nope, carry me to that goal post first.”

“Are you ten?” Erik retorts, but he fails to sound stern. And the smile on his face betrays him.

“Come on.”

Jonas feels rather than sees Erik roll his eyes, but nevertheless the blond begins to walk towards the goal. When they are nearing it, Erik suddenly straightens his back and releases his hold on Jonas’s legs, making Jonas slide down. And then the blond shoves him playfully, ruffling his hair. Jonas doesn’t even try to fight back; he just laughs.

“This is for ditching me for Clemens,” Erik says, shoving him one more time.

Although his tone was light, Jonas can feel that Erik wasn’t completely joking. So, he looks at Erik and says, “Well, I asked you if you didn’t mind, right?” Jonas shrugs. “And I’ll never ditch you for him. Or anyone.”

He sees Erik’s lips part a little, but the blond doesn’t say anything for a long second, merely staring back at Jonas. The way Erik looks at him somehow makes Jonas feel something weird in the pit of his stomach, something he can’t explain. But he quickly brushes it off and smiles. It must be nothing.

Erik returns the smile and says, “Good.”

 


	10. Clarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit long. And important...
> 
> Enjoy! :)

Checking his phone for messages, Jonas smiles when he sees that he’s got a message from Koray. He’s just done replying it when he hears someone call his name. Jonas looks up and finds Clemens stands near the bench. They are in the changing room after the afternoon training. Most people have changed and gone home. Jonas notices that he and Clemens are the only ones left in the room. Well, technically Erik is there, too, but he’s still in the shower.

“Still here?” Jonas asks with a smile as Clemens sits down on the bench next to him.

Clemens shrugs. “Yeah, there’s no rush. Everyone seems excited about the Bayern match.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Jonas replies. “Also because we lost to them in the first round. At home. So, we need to do better this time.”

They are then talking about the last match, which was away against Stuttgart where both Jonas and Clemens played. It was such a good game. Stuttgart led 2-0 after twenty minutes, and then Marco scored a hattrick and BVB ended up winning 2-3. Clemens was subbed in for Oliver Kirch, and Jonas assisted Marco’s first goal.

The bathroom door opens and Erik walks out, with a towel wrapped around his waist. Jonas’s eyes are automatically drawn to him. The blond shoots them a glance before walking to his locker. Clemens keeps talking about the upcoming match against Wolfsburg, doesn’t seem to notice Erik’s presence behind him.

Erik, on the other hand, looks like he’s not in a good mood. The way he opens his locker and then pulls some clothes out carelessly are so uncharacteristically him. Yeah, of course Jonas notices that Erik doesn’t seem to like Clemens. Although he keeps hoping that it will change in time, because teammates should get along. But so far, it’s a wishful thinking.

Jonas nods at what Clemens is saying, half-listening half-glancing at Erik from time to time. He can’t help but think that he has known Erik for more than one and a half years, that Erik’s body language has become familiar to him. Like the way Erik runs his hand through his damp hair; the way his long arms are stretched out when he puts on a shirt. After he is fully dressed Erik rummages through his locker, looking for something, and he can’t seem to find it. Jonas sees him frown.

Holding back a smile, Jonas tells Clemens one second and then reaches for his backpack, retrieving his hair gel. “Erik? Here, use mine,” he says, holding out his hand.

Erik looks at him and smiles as he sees the hair gel. “Thanks,” he says as he takes it from Jonas’s hand.

Clemens then speaks again, making Jonas turn to look back at him. “Want to grab a bite for dinner, Jonas? Don’t tell me you already have plans for tonight, too,” he adds jokingly.

Before Jonas replies, Erik says, “Actually yes; Jonas and I are going for dinner. Sorry about that.” Although he doesn’t sound sorry.

Clemens looks at Erik with slightly narrowed eyes. “Really?” He turns to Jonas.

Jonas glances at Erik for a split second before looking at Clemens. He nods. “Yes. I’m sorry.” And he feels quite bad when Clemens looks disappointed.

“Okay,” Clemens says, shrugging lightly. “Soon, I hope.”

Jonas merely gives him a smile.

~*~

As soon as they are in Jonas’s car and he drives out of the training ground, Jonas blurts out, “What the hell was that?”

Erik lets out a soft sigh. He knows Jonas was going to ask that. “Well, sorry, but he just annoys me,” he says. “And thanks for playing along.”

Jonas gently shakes his head. “You owe me dinner for real. Where are we going?”

“Don’t know. Alex?”

“Alex sounds fine,” Jonas says, stopping at a red light. “Seriously though, Erik. People will think you’re jealous.” He looks over at Erik. When Erik just shrugs, Jonas continues, “If you think I would abandon you for him, you shouldn’t. I’d never do that.”

Erik stares at Jonas. “Do you like him?” he asks.

“As a friend, yes. But not more than that.”

“He doesn’t seem to realise that,” Erik replies dryly, making Jonas let out another sigh. Erik says again, “I know you’re just being nice to him. But I don’t like the fact that he chose you because you’re also an Unfortunate. As if you would have to settle for the first Unfortunate you meet. That’s not how it should be, right?”

The light has turned green, so Jonas drives again. “No, that’s not how it should be. And so far, Clemens hasn’t told me that he wants to be more than my friend. But if he did, I’d tell him that I can only see him as a friend.”

That makes Erik feel better. And on the way to Alex, they don’t talk about bloody Clemens anymore. As they reach the restaurant Jonas parks the car and then they get inside, waiting to get a table. A waitress ushers them to a table in the corner. As she waits for them when they look through the menu, Erik notices that she is looking at them, and there’s a smile on her face.

After she leaves with their order, Jonas tells Erik that Koray wrote him a message. “How is he doing?” Erik asks.

“He’s doing well,” Jonas replies with a smile. “He met a girl he likes—whose soulmate also died. And things seem to be going well for them.”

“That’s nice. I’m glad to hear that.” It’s good that Koray has seemed to move on, and not kept mourning about the soulmate he’ll never know. The waitress comes back with their drinks, saying the food will come shortly. Once again Erik notices that her gaze lingers on them before she leaves.

And then they’re talking about Jeremy who just found his soulmate, who turns out to be a fan during open training last week. So far they seem to still be in a bit awkward stage, but Erik can see that the attraction is there.

“The guy seems nice, though,” Jonas says. “And Jeremy told me that they’re taking it slow.”

Erik nods. “I’ve been thinking. You know how I sometimes wonder what will happen if I don’t like my soulmate. Now, what if it’s the other way around? That my soulmate doesn’t like me. They can even possibly hate me. It’s their choice, too.”

“Of course they won’t. Nobody will be able to hate you,” Jonas says, reaching for his water glass and taking a sip. Erik looks at him, can’t hold back the smile that crosses his face. Jonas doesn’t see it, because at the same time their food arrives.

As they tuck in, Erik can see from the corner of his eye that an elderly couple just occupies the table next to theirs. “Such a beautiful couple,” the woman whispers to the man, loud enough for Erik to hear. He feels that his face is getting warm. They think he and Jonas are together. So does the waitress it seems. His eyes meet Jonas’s, and Jonas lets out a small smile, meaning he also heard them.

This isn’t the first time people mistake them as a couple. Glancing at Jonas again as he chews on his pasta, Erik can’t help but think that Jonas really is beautiful. And he’s such a wonderful person, too. If Erik didn’t have a mark, he would probably fall head over heels with him, too… like what Clemens did.

“I’ve been mean to Clemens, haven’t I?” Erik says thoughtfully.

Jonas looks up at him. “A little,” he says, with a soft tone. “But, try to be a bit nicer to him. He’s new after all.”

“I’ll try.”

Nodding gently, Jonas gives him a smile.

~*~

Fulfilling his promise, the next day after training, Erik stops Clemens as he’s about to walk to the changing room. “Yes?” Clemens asks, with a frown.

“Can we have a little talk?” Erik says, before adding, “Please?” Please always helps. Normally.

Clemens still looks suspicious, but nevertheless he nods. Erik motions him to follow him to the deserted part of the pitch, where nobody else is around. “So, what do you want to talk about?” Clemens asks, can’t quite hide his surprise that Erik wanted to talk to him.

Erik clears his throat once and then starts, “Look, Clemens, I know that I haven’t been nice to you.” He pauses; this is harder than he thought. But he has to do it. “I didn’t like the thought that you fancy Jonas only because he is here and convenient. Because he isn’t supposed to be a random choice. But I shouldn’t treat you like that. So, I’m sorry.”

Clemens looks at him deeply, making Erik feel slightly awkward. Why is he looking at him like that? Erik really meant what he said.

“Jonas isn’t yours,” Clemens finally says. He averts his gaze to Erik’s wrist. “And he can’t be. You have a soulmate.”

“What—?” Erik hastily shakes his head. “No, it’s not like that. Jonas is my best friend.”

“I’m not stupid, Erik,” Clemens replies, looking back at him. “And I suppose we’re done here? See you tomorrow.” Before Erik says anything, Clemens walks past him, disappearing inside the building.

~*~

Erik can’t get what Clemens told him out of his head all evening. Like, what the hell? He doesn’t blame the elderly couple in Alex nor the waitress if they thought so, because they don’t know them. But Marvin should’ve known better. And Clemens, too. Yes, Erik likes Jonas. Very much so. And he enjoys spending time with him, more than with anyone else. But that’s why they are best friends, right? He can’t possibly be in love with Jonas for all this time without realising it.

Or can he?

No. No way. Erik quickly shakes the thought off. He wouldn’t be that reckless. All his life, he knows that he has a soulmate. And he’s looking forward to meet them, to have a life with them. Like his parents, or Lisa. Or everyone else he knows, who has found their soulmate. That’s how his life is going to be.

But then what is this uneasy feeling in his chest that won’t leave him alone since his talk with Clemens?

Shaking his head, Erik rises up from the sofa. That’s it; he must stop letting these thoughts mess with his head. He glances at the clock on the wall. It’s still a bit over 9 o’clock; the grocery store in the corner is still open, he‘ll get an ice cream or something. And fresh air will be good for him.

Erik grabs his jacket from the coat rack, putting it on. He hardly sees any cars when he walks down the road. Inside the shop there are only the shopkeeper and two other people—a guy and a woman. Nodding slightly at the shopkeeper who smiles at him, Erik heads towards the ice cream freezer.

He is deciding between a white chocolate Magnum and a vanilla Cornetto, when he feels someone bump into him. “Sorry, I was looking at my phone.” It’s the guy he saw earlier. He doesn’t seem to recognise Erik. Smiling apologetically, the guy continues to walk and vanishes behind a shelf.

Erik’s heart races and he immediately looks down at his wrist. He takes a deep breath of relief when he sees that his mark remains faded grey. And then the realisation hits him. He was worried that the guy was his soulmate… What the fuck is wrong with him?

When he hears some footsteps behind him, Erik hastily closes the freezer lid and strides out of the shop. As soon as he reaches his flat he walks inside and sits down on the sofa, still wearing his jacket, doesn’t even bother to turn on the light.

_Jonas isn’t yours... And you have a soulmate._

Erik feels his body shake, despite wearing a jacket and the room is quite warm. They were right. All of them. His feeling for Jonas is much deeper than what he should feel towards a friend. God… how could he let this happen? How careless. And stupid, and irresponsible. Erik should’ve known better. And now it’s too late.

Way too late.

 


	11. Obscurity

Erik tries his best to pay attention to the person in front of them, who is explaining about what they’re going to do today, but his mind seems to have a hard time to focus. It doesn’t really help that Jonas is standing next to him and his arm brushes Erik’s every now and then. They have been listening to her for what must have been ten minutes now, and Erik pretty much has no clue of what he’s supposed to do. He catches some things like ‘signing the picture on the wall’ and ‘a few selected fans will have a chance to win some signed stuff’ but that’s it. He’ll just have to do what everyone else is doing.

He has only visited the Borusseum once before this, with his BVB II teammates one and a half years ago. Erik likes the place, and he enjoyed looking at the old historic things, as well as reading the stories. But today his mind is too occupied to enjoy anything. Looking at Jonas who’s standing next to Marvin, Erik’s heart clenches.

How did this happen? When did he begin to feel these _things_ for Jonas? He always knows that he likes Jonas more than he likes anyone, but he didn’t think… Yeah, obviously he didn’t think. He never analysed his feeling for Jonas, and without he realised it had gone past the line of friendship, towards something else. Something Erik hasn’t felt towards anyone before. Something he probably shouldn’t until he met his soulmate.

Yes, he’s fucked.

People around him begin to walk to different directions, and it shakes Erik off his reverie. He still has no idea what they should be doing, but he guesses that it’ll be fine if he just sticks to Marvin—and Jonas. He tails behind the two, who talk about some pictures on the wall and then stop near the empty karaoke room.

“You two did some karaoke last time, didn’t you?” Marvin says, turning to look at Erik. “Right, Erik? Was it a disaster? I bet Jonas was horrible.” He laughs.

Erik smiles. Jonas speaks before Erik has a chance to say anything, “Says who? I was great. If I want to I could have auditioned for _DSDS_ * and gotten in easily,” he jokes.

Marvin lets out a snort. “Yeah, right. And you’d be singing _Schlager_ with DJ Hoffi as your stage name? Nice one, Jonas,” he says, making Jonas laugh. Even Erik can’t help laughing, too.

Their laughs attract a few people. Julian and Sven approach them, asking why they were laughing like lunatics. Marvin amusedly tells them about Jonas and DSDS, and both guys also think it’s funny. Then they change the subject to the Lego model of Westfalenstadion and go to look at it. Jonas is about to follow them, but then he seems to change his mind and walks closer to Erik instead.

“I wasn’t bad, right?” Jonas starts, with a mock half-pout.

It’s impossible for Erik not to smile. “You weren’t,” he says softly, inwardly cursing himself for his sped-up heartbeat as Jonas’s face breaks into a smile. Erik quickly averts his gaze to their teammates across the room, before his eyes give too much away.

Jonas seems to notice that, because he asks, “Is everything okay?” Before Erik replies, he says again, “You talked to Clemens yesterday, didn’t you, did he say something that bothered you?”

Abruptly shaking his head, Erik says, “No, it’s nothing. Yeah, I talked to him yesterday and it was—fine.” He hates lying, but in this case he doesn’t have another option. Erik can’t tell Jonas what Clemens said. Especially because he was… right. “I’m just, well, thinking about the Bayern match.”

Jonas is still watching him as he says, “We’ll be fine. It’s good to be motivated, but don’t worry about it too much.” He pats Erik’s arm lightly. Erik can’t fight the urge to look at him, but at the same time Jonas turns to Marvin who calls them.

“Guys, come and see our picture from last time,” Marvin says from across the room.

Jonas chuckles and begins to walk towards him, stopping mid-way to look at Erik, who’s still rooted to his spot. “Come on,” he says.

“I’ll read this article first. Go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute,” Erik replies, forcing a smile. Jonas nods and joins Marvin. After he’s out of earshot, Erik lets out a deep breath. As he’s trying to read the article about Rote Erde in the seventies, he once again finds it hard to focus. What is he going to do now? He has to get his feelings for Jonas under control; he can’t let it affect their friendship. But as his gaze flickers to Jonas who is laughing at something Marvin tells him, he has no idea how he’ll be able to do that.

_Be careful. Feeling isn’t something we can control._

Erik wishes he wouldn’t have to learn it the hard way.

~*~

The changing room is almost empty that evening. Only Erik, Jonas, Kevin and Schmelle are left. And then Schmelle leaves after saying goodbye to them, shortly followed by Kevin, leaving Erik and Jonas alone. Jonas is looking down, tying his shoelace, and Erik is trying not to look at him, but it’s a difficult thing to do.

Erik’s eyes linger on Jonas, taking in his features, his damp hair, and the way his dark eyebrows slightly furrow in concentration. _Stop looking at him._ Erik blinks just as Jonas looks up and smiles at him. Erik is too taken aback to smile back, but Jonas doesn’t seem to notice that. The brunet stands up and searching for something in his locker, whilst Erik is inwardly scolding himself for being careless. Yeah, so much for getting his feelings under control.

“Tomorrow we’re starting at ten o’clock, right?” Jonas says, still having his back on Erik.

“Yeah.”

Closing his locker, Jonas turns around and looks at him. “Want to grab something to eat?”

That’s not a good idea. Especially now when his feelings are still a mess, but Erik doesn’t know what to tell Jonas. He is saved from the necessity to reply when someone opens the door. Both of them turn as Clemens enters the room. The boy smiles at Jonas and then, with a bit more restraint, at Erik.

“I didn’t know you’re both still here,” Clemens says as he walks towards his locker. “Are you free tonight, Jonas?” He stops and looks at Jonas, who immediately glances at Erik.

Jonas softly clears his throat and then says, “I guess. Unless Erik has something in mind for us to do.”

Both boys are now looking at him. Erik shrugs. “No, I think I’ll just go home and have an early night. I’m a bit tired,” he says flatly, in a voice that doesn’t sound like his own.

“So will you go and have dinner with me?” Clemens asks Jonas, sounding irritatingly cheery. Jonas is still looking at Erik for a second before turning to Clemens.

“Okay,” he finally says.

Clemens smiles and says that he’ll have a quick shower, or something like that because Erik has stopped listening. He turns to open his locker so he doesn’t need to see the stupid smile on Clemens’s face.

“Erik? You’re okay, right?” Jonas’s voice startles Erik, and he instinctively turns around only to find Jonas standing close behind him. Too close.

Swallowing thickly, Erik nods and says, “Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t feel like going out tonight. Have fun, though.”

“Are you sure?” Jonas still doesn’t look convinced.

“Positive,” Erik says, putting up a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jonas nods. “Yeah, see you.”

And then Erik grabs his backpack and leaves the room, before he changes his mind. As he’s walking down the side of the pitch, his gaze falls on the other side of the fence, on BVB II’s pitch. He remembers the time when he and Jonas used to stand behind that fence, watching the senior squad play. Everything was so much simpler back then. He just knew that he liked Jonas so much, more than anyone else. Now, he doesn’t know what to do.

Without he realises, he has reached the car park. Erik gets inside his car and drives out of the training ground, hoping that time will help him. It sounds hopeless, yes… even naïve. But that’s the only thing he can do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DSDS is _Deutschland sucht den Superstar_ , which is the German version of Pop Idol.


	12. Lesson

This restaurant isn’t that unfamiliar for Jonas. He has only been here once with Koray and Marvin two years ago, but Clemens wanted Japanese food and at least Jonas knows the food here is good. They choose some assorted sushi, prawn tempura, and chicken karaage—the last one is recommended by the waiter. Neither will be drinking alcohol because they’re driving.

Whilst waiting for the food, they’re talking mostly about their career before Dortmund. Clemens played for Stuttgart junior team until he moved to Eintracht Braunschweig II in 2011, and he’s just one year older than Jonas. It turns out that Jonas is the first Unfortunate he’s met, and he is the second one Jonas has met. There are really not many of them around.

As they’re talking about ‘the Unfortunates’ subject, Jonas can’t help but think about what Erik told him about being a random choice. The first Unfortunate Jonas met was a girl in Hoffenheim, who lived next to his apartment. Klara is her name. She was nice and lovely, and he thought it would be easy to like her. But after a while it never happened, not enough for him to think about spending his life with her. And in the end he thought she deserved better.

Jonas was young and naïve then. He had heard stories about how some Unfortunates never found someone to be with, and he took a chance with Klara for all the wrong reasons. Normally people with a soulmate wouldn’t understand that; they would suggest him to take all the chance he could get, like with Clemens now. But Erik thinks otherwise.

Thinking about Erik makes Jonas remember about how quiet the blond was today, and he wonders could be bothering him.

“Jonas? Let’s tuck in,” Clemens says, after their food arrives, bringing Jonas back to here and now.

Jonas nods and picks his chopsticks. “Yeah.” As he looks up, he notices that Clemens is watching him.

“What’s wrong?” Clemens asks. “Is something bothering you?”

Looking at him, Jonas lightly shrugs. Well, he guesses he can tell Clemens what he’s been thinking. “Didn’t you notice that Erik was rather quiet today?”

“Oh that,” Clemens replies, sounding slightly indifferent. “No, I didn’t notice,” he adds. Jonas nods and is about to come back to the food when Clemens says again, “Even when he isn’t here, you’re still thinking about him. What is Erik to you, actually?”

Jonas doesn’t expect him to ask that. He blinks, looking at Clemens for a second. “He’s my best friend. Of course I’m concerned when he’s acting strange. Isn’t that what friends do?”

“If he didn’t have a soulmate, would you two still be just friends?” Clemens asks, holding his gaze.

Jonas doesn’t like his tone. What is all this nonsense? He likes Erik a lot, but as everyone knows, nothing could ever happen between them. “Probably—or probably not. Who knows,” he finally says. “But it’s irrelevant.” There’s finality in his tone that shows that he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, and Clemens seems to get it since he shrugs and averts his gaze to the chicken on his plate.

For a while, they’re mostly eating, with a bit of small talk here and there. When Jonas has drunk the last bit of his water, he looks up and find Clemens look at him. “I think you’re cool, Jonas,” Clemens says. “I like your hard working attitude on the pitch.”

“Thanks,” Jonas replies, with a faint smile. “I think you’ve got great techniques.”

Clemens is still looking at him. “Is that it?” he asks. Jonas almost frowns, but he manages not to do that. Just. Clemens says again, “I like you, since the first time we met.”

“Because I’m an Unfortunate, too?” Jonas asks softly, doesn’t want to sound accusing. “And you hadn’t met one before me.”

“Partly, yes, to be honest.” Clemens shrugs. “But you also have been nice to me from the beginning; I really appreciate that. And have you never looked at yourself in the mirror? You’re perfect, Jonas. How is it possible for me not to feel anything about you?”

That is not… exactly what Jonas thought he would hear. “Clemens, I’m—very flattered that you think so. But,” he pauses, licking his bottom lip, “I don’t want you to think that you must settle for me because we’re both Unfortunates. Maybe you’ll find someone else that will capture your heart in the future. You’ll never know.”

“I’ll never know,” Clemens agrees. “But I want you. Although I can feel that you’re not into me. Not the way I want you to.”

Jonas can’t help but feel bad, but leading Clemens on is not an option, it will never work out. After what happened with Klara, he’ll never do the same mistake again. “I’m sorry. I like you as a friend; I really do. But at the moment, I don’t think we can be anything more than friends.”

Clemens exhales soundly, but then he smiles and says, “You can still change your mind, no?”

Smiling back, Jonas says, “We’ll never know, right? But maybe you’ll meet someone that will make you fall head over heels tomorrow.”

“I doubt that. Because I already did,” Clemens says in a gentle tone.

Jonas doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s certain that some of his family (most likely his grandma) would tell him to give Clemens a chance, because God knows when he’ll meet another Unfortunate. Clemens is nice guy, and he’s very good looking, with his sandy hair and dark blue eyes. But, Jonas has learnt his lesson.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Clemens says, probably because Jonas doesn’t say anything. “Or is dating a teammate prohibited here?” he jokes.

“Not as far as I know. But most of our teammates have a soulmate, don’t they? And I haven’t seen anyone whose soulmate is a teammate.” Jonas lets out a chuckle.

Clemens laughs with him, and when the laughter stops he asks in a more serious tone, “And I reckon Erik has nothing to do with this?”

“No,” Jonas replies, rather firmly. “Erik will meet his soulmate one day, and I wish nothing but the best for him.” It seems like Clemens doesn’t really believe him, but nevertheless he shrugs. Well, it’s his problem, not Jonas’s.

~*~

When Jonas arrives at his flat later, it’s nearly half past nine. As he’s getting ready to go to bed he reaches for his phone that lies on the nightstand to set an alarm for tomorrow. Erik said training starts at ten tomorrow, right? Okay, then he’ll set the alarm at eight, plenty of time. And as he is about to place the phone back on the nightstand Jonas can’t help thinking about Erik. Has he felt better? He was very quiet earlier, a lot more than usual. After considering for a second, Jonas writes a text message: _Are you asleep yet?_

He only has to wait for a minute or so until Erik replies with a “Not yet”. Jonas has written a question about if the blond has felt better, but then he decides that talking to him will be better.

“What is it, Jonas?” Erik says after the third ring. He doesn’t sound annoyed, but not exactly pleased either.

“Nothing, just missed you, I guess,” Jonas tries to lighten up Erik’s glum mood. But as Erik says nothing, Jonas begins to think that it’s probably more than just a glum mood. “Is something wrong? You didn’t say much today,” Jonas asks in a gentle tone.

He hears Erik let out a soft sigh. “I’m fine. How was the dinner with Clemens?” Erik asks. But Jonas doesn’t let him change the subject.

“It was okay, the food was good,” Jonas replies, before adding, “Erik, I can tell that something is bothering you. Is your family okay?”

“Yes, they’re okay,” Erik says after a split second of silence. “I’m fine, Jonas, trust me. I was just… worked up about the Bayern game, I guess. I want us to do well.”

Jonas moves the phone to another ear. “Well, try not to worry too much about it. At least you know you’ll play.” He only meant it as a joke, but he quickly realises how it can be perceived wrong. “Look, sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound like that. You’re doing really well so far, and you’ve only played as a fullback in less than a season, so you deserve it,” he adds.

“I know you didn’t mean it like that,” Erik says, sounding genuine. “I hope you’ll get to play, too.”

“I hope so.”

And then Jonas says goodnight and that he’ll see him tomorrow. Before he hangs up, he hears Erik say quietly, “Thank you.”

Jonas chuckles. “Thank you for what?”

“For asking me if I was okay,” Erik replies.

“That’s what friends do, right?” Jonas says, with a smile.

There’s a second of silence before Erik says, “Of course.”

After the call ends, Jonas puts the phone on the nightstand and lies down on the bed, closing his eyes. But he can’t seem to fall asleep. He opens his eyes again, can’t help thinking that this season will soon end, and he hasn’t played as much as he would like to. Erik has played more because of Lukasz’s and then Marcel’s injury. It must not be easy for someone who has played as a striker almost his whole life, yet Erik has done super well, and Jonas is genuinely happy for him.

Well, tomorrow is always a new day, and if Jonas does well in the next few trainings, maybe he’ll get a chance to play after all. There’s no guarantee, but there’s nothing else he can do. Taking a deep breath, Jonas rolls onto his side and closes his eyes.

 


End file.
